This World

Yesterday there was a shooting at an elementary school in Connecticut. 20 children died and 6 adults. It was awful to read about. It seems that every week there is another shooting any more.

I think about how much these families must be hurting right now who lost their babies. It's less than 2 weeks before Christmas and these kids were all under 10 with some as young as 5. I think about how much those who survived but had to witness it must be hurting. Those terrible memories that they will have to keep forever.

And I think about how much these people who are willing to take other peoples lives and their own, must be hurting inside. To be in a place so low that you are willing to do something so terrible. What could they have been through to take them to a place like that?

This world seems like such a terrible place. And a lot of it is. I sometimes wish my children didn't have to live in a place like this. That I could shelter them from all of the evil in this world. I'm terrified of sending Emma to school now in less than a year. What if I send her to school one day and she never comes home? No one seemed to have to worry about things like this a few decades ago. And it's just going to get worse the scriptures tell us. I'm afraid.

Yet through it all there are stories like the one of a young man who was willing to wrestle another kid with cerebral palsy. Who not only wrestled him but pulled him on top of him to help him win. He purposefully pinned himself to the ground to give the other young man a victory. When he ended up giving them both a victory.

And a story of football players adopting a girl with downs syndrome into their group so should wouldn't be bullied any more. And all of the other football players joining in to walk her to class and keep her from harm.

Or the girl who was behind an opponent in a school race when her opponent collapsed in front of her. Instead of taking the chance to gain a lead and running right passed her, she stopped picked her up and carried her across the finish line. To top it off, she made sure that the other girl crossed the finish line ahead of her.

These acts of selflessness give me hope. They make me remember that in this world full of evil, it is also full of amazing goodness. There are people out there who rise above it all and make the world a better place a little at a time. That we can also take the time and energy to do something selfless, to become selfless.

I am reminded of quotes like "fear is the opposite of faith". How true this statement is. There is no reason to be afraid when we realize whose hands we are in. When we fully and completely hand the steering wheel over to the Lord. For some reason it is in our nature to try to keep at least one hand on there while he is trying to "drive". It makes it pretty hard to drive in a straight line when there are 2 people trying to drive especially when one of those people is a novice driver who has no idea what they are doing. When we give full control to the Lord he can take us in a straight line and safely over all of the bumps in the road. And then we have nothing to be afraid of. When we know that the Lord loves us and will guide our lives in whatever way is truly best for us then we know that we are going to be safe and happy.

Thankful

Recently I have been feeling very blessed and thankful. Maybe these feelings are a little late and I should have been feeling a little bit more of this around Thanksgiving but I think the Christmas season really brings out a lot of good in people. So I thought I would type out a few of the things I am really grateful for. (Better late than never, right?)

1. My kids. I love them! They are my everythings. I love watching their little (sometimes BIG) personalities develop and watching them learn and grow. I have especially been enjoying spending any time that I can just cuddling them. Time suddenly feels like it's flying by and like I'm not going to have much longer that they will actually let me cuddle with them.
2. A husband who loves us and takes such good care of us. I am grateful for someone who tries to put our needs and wants before his own. I love that he overlooks my flaws and loves me in spite of them. I am grateful for how hard he works yo support our family.
3. Family. I am blessed to have an amazing family especially a Mom and Dad who have always loved me and taught me about the important things in life.
4. A job. In a time where many are unemployed I'm grateful that Mike has a stable job that supports us and provides us with enough that I am able to stay at home with the kids.
5. A home. Our home is not fancy or new but it is Home and it is a safe warm place to get out of the troubles of the world. It is big enough to have plenty of room for all of us and has a yard that the girls love to play in, rain or shine.
6. Vehicles. We are blessed to have a car that Mike can take and a van that I can use during the day to get around. Neither car has had almost any work needed on it. I'm also grateful for the public transportation system that Mike can use to get to work.
7. Service. I am grateful for both service provided to me and being able to serve others. It brings a lot of happiness into our lives to be able to help others.
8. Trials. This might be a weird thing to be grateful for but trials, though not fun while you are going through them, help me to be a better me. The provide strength, faith and understanding that I mat not otherwise gain without them.
9. The Gospel. I am grateful to be a member of the LDS church, to know I have a Savior and Heavenly Father who love me and want me to be happy. I know that my Heavenly Father always gives me the things and situations that I need most even when I don't realize it at the time. I know that I can live with my family forever and I don't think there could be any greater blessing than that.

There are many more things that I could list but I will stop now. They say there is someone who always has it worse but there is probably always someone who has it better too. I think the most important thing for happiness is to learn to be content with what you have. 

I've decided recently that I think the cure for having a bad day is to think of all the things that you are blessed with (there is always something you can be thankful for, sometimes we just have to look a little harder) and then go out and help someone else to have a better day. I dare you to try to have a bad day after that. I bet it will be pretty near impossible to do. :)

Socially Awkward

So I have been thinking a lot recently about the traits that I have and those of other people that I would like to have. I have decided that one of my (not so good) traits is that I am terribly socially awkward. I don't always get social ques and sometimes I realize later that I missed something which makes me wonder how many I've missed that I never realize. Along with this, I am not well spoken and often say things that I feel stupid for later.

That being said, I have often admired those that have the ability to be friends with everyone. It is a talent that I've always wished I had. I often surround myself with those types of people because I feel more comfortable around them. (let me tell you, 2 awkward people trying to have a conversation is just really... well, awkward!) 

I have noticed recently though that a few people who I think have the talent of making friends with everyone have made comments about themselves being socially awkward. That made me wonder how many of us feel this way even a little bit and made me wonder why so many of us feel this way. Is it because we don't have confidence ourselves? Is it because others have put us down and so we hear their voices in our head still? Or something else completely?

I don't know what the cause is but I think that maybe having this "problem" has made me a little more understanding of other people's differences than I might have been otherwise. So I'm going to make a goal to take my awkwardness and use it for something positive. I hope that I can become a little more comfortable with myself and still have the drive to try to improve myself at the same time.

Anyway, that was kind of a rambling post but there you have it.