Happiness: A choice

For a while I was feeling quite depressed. I get that way sometimes. Some people can easily find happiness in all they do. Some people, like me, have to work for it every step of the way. I am a happy person most of the time because I make myself work for it.

Anyway, I had been feeling like my happiness had gotten away from me again. I am far from my family and I miss them a great deal. I am tired and feel like I can never get enough sleep. My kids are always demanding things from me and sometimes I just don't feel like filling that sippy cup up with milk just one more time.

I have found that when this happens to me there is only one solution. Find the spirit again. Somehow it had slipped away from me. I hadn't done anything monumentally wrong to loose it, I had just not put in the effort into keeping it. I was just going through the motions of life without any thought for what I was or was not doing. So I lost it. I was in tears almost every night. I was praying for answers. Finally one night while I was feeding Scott, I let everything out to the Lord. I prayed out loud. I don't know if it is just me or not but sometimes I feel that my outspoken prayers have more power than the ones I say in my head. Maybe it's because when I get to the point of saying them out loud, I am finally meaning everything I say. I asked for help to know what I could do to feel that connection with the Spirit again so that I could be happy.

The next day I was still going through the motions and one of the things that was on my checklist to do for the day was to go visiting teaching. Visiting teaching is not one of my favorite things to do and I'm very bad at actually doing it. But I have a great partner who always makes sure we see our visiting teachees. So I went. The woman we went to visit happened to mention that she had done a 40 day Book of Mormon feast where she read the Book of Mormon in 40 days. I knew that was my answer. I went home and started reading. The first day felt like I was reading my scriptures for forever. The second day felt shorter and I was really getting into what I was reading. From then on, I have felt so much better. I am happy again. I have also received answers to other questions and problems I have had through reading my scriptures. I love the Lord and I know that He loves me. He answers my prayers. I know that He is a loving Father in Heaven. And I know that above all, He wants me to be happy.